A Year at the Kids’ Table

Gratitude

/ˈɡradəˌt(y)o͞od/

noun

Definition of gratitude:

1: the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

The kids’ table. It tries, but really can’t compete. Forever relegated to live in the shadow of its adult counterpart, the kids’ table is the furniture equivalent of Robin compared to Batman. Portland to Seattle. Cougars to Huskies. It’s where the bread rolls begin and the turkey ends. Unlike the sturdy, dependable adult table—a piece of distinction, mahogany, and optional leaves—the kids’ table literally folds like a cheap poker table. It’s designated seating for accompanied minors and unaccompanied adults. A seat here feels like an unspoken slight. Borderline punishment. And for many of us, the year 2020 has felt like sitting at the kids’ table.

If January was arriving to dinner, and February was small talk and appetizers, then March was spotting our name-card on the place setting nearest the toilet. Surprise. Frustration. Confusion. Gratitude? Not so much. It felt unfair. It stunk. At first, we assumed that there must have been a mistake. But we soon realized that our lot was neither an accident nor an oversight. Even worse, we concluded that the host knew exactly what lay before us at the time of our invitation, and yet said nothing. No warning. No apology. Just unmitigated deceit. And as we double-check the name on the place setting, we realize the only difference between the host and Judas was that Judas did his betraying after dinner. No, a seat at the kids’ table is rarely viewed with gratitude or thanksgiving. But perhaps it could be.

Charles Dickens once said, “Reflect upon your present blessings—of which every man has many—not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some” (powerful words considering Dickens was forced to work ten-hour days in a factory as a child). As Dickens implies, gratitude is a choice. And we now know that the benefits of choosing gratitude is worth the effort.

Psychotherapist and bestselling author Amy Morin writes, “Developing an ‘attitude of gratitude’ is one of the simplest ways to improve your satisfaction with life.” Morin explains that there are numerous scientifically proven benefits of gratitude: it opens the door to more relationships, improves physical health, improves psychological health, enhances empathy and reduces aggression, improves sleep, improves self-esteem, and increases mental strength. And better yet, developing this “gratitude attitude” doesn’t have to be complicated. NY Times Bestselling Author Shawn Achor explains that the simple act of maintaining a gratitude journal (writing down three gratitudes each day) is a good place to start.

Achor explains that intentional gratitude forces the brain to scan for positive events that occurred over the past 24 hours. Achor writes, “Because we can only focus on so much at once, our brains push out those small annoyances and frustrations that used to loom large into the background, even out of our visual field entirely.” He goes on to say that research shows that the positive impact of gratitude is not only far-reaching, but is also long-lasting. In one study, Achor writes, researchers found that participants who wrote down three gratitudes a day for a week were less depressed and happier at their one-month, three-month, and six-month follow-ups. Not a bad return. Something to keep in mind when we find our name-card on a paper plate.   

A seat at the kids’ table wasn’t what we wanted or expected. But here we are. And as we sit on the unpadded piano bench, knees tucked uncomfortably beneath the table’s low clearance, we have a choice: we can either focus on our present blessings or we can focus on our past (or current) misfortunes. I suggest, like comedian John Crist, that we focus on the former. After an evening at the kids’ table, Crist asked: “Why would you want to hear Dave’s story about the middle-class tax cuts when you can hear Dylan’s story about how one night all of his stuffed animals came to life, and they snuck out and robbed a bank?” Good question. And a bit profound. Because an increase in misfortune doesn’t mean a decrease in blessing. But our focus can easily convince us otherwise.

So, as we round the corner toward a new year, let’s literally count our blessings (at least three a day). Because if March was spotting our name-card on the place setting near the bathroom, then November’s our opportunity not only to thank the host for the invitation, but also to give thanks for a seat at the table. 

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

“Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (NIV).