Love Is—Part One in a Series
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)
Patience
/ˈpāSHəns/
noun
Definition of patience:
1: the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset
An elderly man at a grocery store noticed a mother talking to her two-year-old daughter. Seated in the shopping cart, the little girl was pointing and reaching for a package of cookies. When the mother said “No,” the girl’s want quickly turned to need. The toddler stated her case first with persuasive words such as, “Please, please, please” and, “But cookies!” She then digressed to a form of non-verbal communication that was part rage, part cathartic. Bouncing indiscriminately in her seat, the toddler now pleaded her case with movements many would say would be impossible within the confines of the little seat. As the cart rolled away, the girl burst into tears.
“Now, Monica,” The mother said. “We only have two more aisles to go. Don’t be upset. We’re almost done. You’re doing so great.”
As they passed the bulk candy section a few feet away (the one-way aisles made it impossible to backtrack), the little girl’s pleas increased along with her crying and contorting.
“Monica, please don’t cry. I know you’re getting tired. It’s been a long day. We just need one more thing and then we’ll be all done.”
When the two made it to the checkout, the girl immediately reached for the candy bars. Once again, the girl burst into tears when the cart rolled by.
“Monica,” the mother calmly said as she waited to pay, “we’re going to be home very soon. Then, you’ll be able to have a nice long nap and everything will be okay. Everything’s going to be fine.”
The elderly man witnessed it all. Remembering the hardship of being a young parent, he was compelled to approach the woman in the parking lot.
“I just wanted to say that I couldn’t help but notice how patient you were with little Monica,” the man began.
The mother sighed. “Oh, no. My little girl’s name is Olivia. I’m Monica.”
It’s commonly known that patience is a virtue—a trait deemed by many as something morally good. But how often do we connect patience with love? And if we connect patience with love, how might that influence our interpretation and use of patience?
As the definition implies, patience is often passive. It’s a reactionary tool used to minimize anger amid delays, troubles, or sufferings. Patience typically occurs when all other means of emotional regulation have been exhausted. That is, when reason, explanation, and logic have failed, patience is the final knot at the end of our rope. But let’s be honest, patience is passive because few of us like it—we use it when we must.
Patience conjures up images of the DMV, temper tantrums, and long lines at the grocery store. “Thank you for being patient” is just another way of saying “I’m so sorry you had to use your patience.” It has become something we endure, not something we seek. But love isn’t passive. Love is very much active, and I believe patience can be as well.
In many cases, the difference between passivity and activity lies with intentionality. Take generosity for example. We must choose to give of our time, resources, and insights. We may like the idea of being generous. We may even desire to be generous. But if we’re not intentional with generosity, preparing for opportunities to come our way, we may find ourselves wanting to feed someone’s empty stomach, but all we have are empty pockets. Similarly, I believe we’re to be intentional with our patience—actively looking for, and being prepared for, opportunities to offer it.
That being said, I get it. Patience isn’t easy. As an e-card reads, “Bless me with patience. Not the opportunities to be patient, I’ve had plenty of those and they don’t seem to be working.” Especially in today’s social environment, many of us are probably growing a little tired of all the opportunities. But opportunities won’t be tiresome if we’re intentional about showing love with our patience (e.g., friending someone on social media who has an opposing view rather than unfriending). Success may depend on being mindful of the unique triggers that test our patience.
The American Psychological Association defines a trigger as “a stimulus that elicits a reaction.” If being intentional is being prepared, then knowing our triggers is important if we’re to show love through patience. It’s like carrying around extra cash if intending to help someone financially. Consider the following categories and take note of which one(s) could be opportunities to show love though patience: people, places, situations, activities. Once we know where love is needed, let’s not shy from it but embrace it (once Birx and Fauci give us the okay to embrace again).
In his book Everybody, Always, Bob Goff writes, “extravagant love often means coloring outside the lines and going beyond the norms. Loving the neighbors we don’t understand takes work and humility and patience and guts. It means leaving the security of our easy relationships to engage in some tremendously awkward ones.” As we navigate the weeks and months ahead, let’s be adventurous and go beyond the norms with our love for others. Let’s run the risk of being awkward and clumsy in our efforts to love as we’d like to be loved. And let’s do so with grace, understanding, and compassion. Lest we forget, love is patient.
Ephesians 4:1-3
“As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace” (NIV).