Anxiety: What Lies Beneath
Anxiety
/aNGˈzīədē/
noun
Definition of anxiety:
1: a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome
When I was a kid, I secretly watched the old 1974 disaster movie Earthquake. In those days, I wasn’t even allowed to watch The Smurfs, so this was a big step. Up to that point, I had never experienced an earthquake, but after viewing the movie I was shook. There was something about the unknown that didn’t sit right with me, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that something awful was going to happen—like actual shaking.
Corrie ten Boom once said, “Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength—carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”
The movie Earthquake had a similar impact on me. It left me both anxious and drained—anxious about the uncertainty of “tomorrow” and drained because of it “today.” And this resulted in some defiant behaviors. Example:
Parent: “Why don’t you want to go to your grandparent’s house?”
Jon’s thoughts: Because the earth’s going to eat me whole!
Jon’s words: “Because I just saw them a month ago!”
My words and feelings didn’t match up. And with childhood anxiety, the two typically don’t. Unfortunately, when it comes to children and adolescents, behaviors can easily be taken at face value. This can compound the problem if we mistake anxiety for attitude.
But my story isn’t unique. While the details may differ, many children today find themselves navigating the ups and downs of life all while carrying the weight of anxiety. This can certainly have an influence on what they say and do. To better understand negative behaviors, it’s helpful to understand anxiety.
Anxiety is cyclical. The cycle of anxiety consists of the following: 1) the anxiety producing thing or situation, 2) avoidance of feared thing or situation, 3) short-term symptom relief, 4) long-term anxiety growth. However, while anxiety develops in most children and adolescents in a similar fashion, anxiety and its associated symptoms is not one-size-fits-all. Understanding these differences—being familiar with the types and symptoms of childhood anxiety—may help shed light on negative attitudes and problematic behaviors.
Types of Anxiety (aacap.org):
Generalized Anxiety Disorder: Chronic, excessive worry about multiple areas of their lives (e.g., family, school, social situations, health, natural disasters)
Separation Anxiety: Excessive fear of being separated from their home or caretakers
Specific Phobia: Fear of a specific object or situation (e.g., spiders, needles, riding in elevators)
Social Phobia: Excessive worry in social settings or performance situations
Panic Disorder: Unexpected, brief episodes of intense anxiety without an apparent trigger, characterized by multiple physical symptoms (e.g., shortness of breath, increased heart rate, sweating)
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder: Though not technically an anxiety disorder, the individual performs repetitive mental acts or behaviors (“compulsions”) to alleviate excessive worry caused by disturbing thoughts, impulses, or images (“obsessions”)
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: Anxiety symptoms (e.g. nightmares, feelings of detachment from others, increased startle) following exposure to a traumatic event.
Symptoms of Anxiety (aap.org, seattlechildrens.org)
Recurring fears, worries, and uncertainties about routine parts of everyday life
Physiological complaints (e.g., stomachache or headache, tense muscles, irritability)
Fear of social situations
Fear of leaving home
Fear of separation from a loved one
Difficulty concentrating
Difficulty sleeping
School refusal
Or in my case, a sudden interest in Richter Scales, seismic activity, and sturdy tables.
It’s important to remember that many behaviors are simply nonverbal communication. Oftentimes, children and adolescents don’t have the words to express their anxiety. Instead they’ll say they’re too sick to go to school, or that they don’t like a friend anymore, or that seeing their grandparents once a month is more than enough quality time.
There’s often a reason behind the refusal. Desperate for symptom reduction, children and adolescents will often come across as defiant. But unfortunately, defiance in these instances is oftentimes misinterpreted. And obviously this can lead to greater levels of conflict should these assumptions be acted upon (punishment for worrying rarely ends well). When it comes to defiance, there’s usually more to the story. So, let’s be curious about such behaviors (especially if it’s uncharacteristic). Because like an earthquake, all the sudden chaos and mayhem on the surface may not be the whole story, but rather indicators of something deeper.
Proverbs 25:8-18
“Don’t jump to conclusions—there may be a perfectly good explanation for what you just saw” (MSG).